Thursday, December 10, 2009

first 11 weeks

So the first 11 weeks of my weight watchers experience has come to an end.  I say the first 11 weeks, because I plan to keep on with this journey.  as of my weigh in last Friday I was at an even 353.   I have to say I'm not as excited with my progress as I had hoped I would be.  But over all its still a loss that I have kept off.

12 weeks ago I weighed 367 lbs.   so i've lost and kept off 14 lbs. I still have a long long way to go. 

This week I'm taking off from the meeting. Only because I need to regroup. I know this program works for me, I just seem to be having off days lately.  And its kind of bringing me down.  I am missing out on a key ingredient as well. Exercise.  I used to excercise almost everyday. Not so much in the past 5 months.  But I rejoined a gym last payday. And its opening day is tomorrow.  I plan to kick that into high gear.  Get a plan of action developed for the fat burning i want to do.

My sister brought home a book from work called 101 things you need to do before you diet.  I kind of laughed, as I flippantly perused the introduction, only to be knocked on my butt with an emotion I'm not even sure I can define.   Though the title has the word diet in it, it is NOT a diet book.  Its a profound revelation of why dieting doesn't work and can inevitably lead to weight gain itself.   Obesity has become a disease where in the cure is the cause.   To lose weight we all have done just about everything. we can to shed pounds and look at our selves with a semblance of self worth.  In the end we usually fail and end up hating ourselves. thereby insuring that not only do we gain weight but the one tool we need to FIGHT obesity is ground in obscurity.   What is that one too?  Its our own self esteem, and feeling of self worth.  CONFIDENCE.
with out confidence and love for ourselves we will never be able to successfully destroy bad habits and change our lives.   Diets dont work.... anything you have to do to lose weight you will have to continue on doing for the rest of your life.  So you need to find that thing that makes you successful.  

Thats why i enjoy weight watchers so much.   I've never felt like I lack anything.  Instead of feeling guilt or remorse for food, I own up to it.  I enjoy. And I have established a relationship with how I consume food in my daily life.  I healthy WORKING relationship.

So i say NO to the DIEt and yes to the LIVE-IT.  =)

I'll be starting a work out activity log as soon as the gym opens up.

Here's to getting back on track and staying focused

Saturday, November 28, 2009

survival of the holidays.

So how did everyone do over the holidays?    It was fun to have family over.  During the week I stuck to my plan. I was a few points over everyday, but always OP.   Come turkey day I had a dirty nasty love affair with deviled eggs and a few hand fulls of black olives.  (we were a kinky threesome lol)  But luckily I ended up doing quite well with myself.   I had weigh in on friday (the day after..OMG)  Now we where given a free-bee so we didn't have to weigh in if we didn't feel up to. And my buddy and I were not going to.  But she got there before me and changed her mind.   She was 4lbs up.   Well I figured I couldn't let her go it alone. So I cringed, gulped, and sucked it up.  Stepped up on the scale..............  I have never ever been happier in my life.  yes i DID gain.  But I only gained  .8 of a lb.

We have redoubled our efforts this week.  Behaving and gaining control over the weeks to come.   I Did some quiet reflection and realized I have been slacking.   I need make some better food choices.  I have had 10 weeks of weight watchers now.  And while I've been on a pretty much downward slope weight wise. But its been a very very SLOW downward slope.   With my recent gain/loss jumps  that 16 lbs deficit went to like 12lbs.   I had hoped to be losing more than that this first 11 weeks on the program.  But I also know that what I have or havn't lost is my own fault.  

So its time to take accountability of myself
1.  Promised to start up some kind of activity... .so far I have failed.  Its time to start.  I found a new gym opening up by my house. Its called planet fitness and its only  10 bucks a month plus free on track training (basically they help you build an exercise routine/program and then help you update it as your needs change)  I will be joining that on thursday when I get paid

2. I spent the money to join Weight watchers for a reason.   I think I've been slowly gaining the concept that this program WILL work.  I just need to sit down and figure out how to get the right amount of foods in my body.  I've been working well with the points, but not so well with getting all the servings of fruits/veggies and keeping my milk /proteins lower and leaner.   So This week Its time to tweak the process!

Today I read a quote, by an unknown author.  it said.  "you don't drown by falling in the water, You drown by staying there"   I know that my whole life I've been falling down in that water.   I dont want to drown.  I want to pick myself up and get the hell out of my own way.

Everyday we struggle, everyday we keep moving on.   If you happen to fall down along the way DO NOT stay there.  Pick yourself back up and keep moving!

p.s If any of you have any quotes you'd like to share that keep you going, please share them.. I always love a little added inspiration.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Disapointment VS the non-scale Victory

Last week I talked a big game about tracking everything I ate, following my WW to the exact all to see how well I could do at the end of the week.   Let me tell you  how I did.. I BLEW IT.   Not only did I not track, or follow the plan, but I ended up eating out 4 out of 7 days this week.  So I was not shocked by that fact that on my weigh in I gained weight.  What I was shocked by was how MUCH weight I gained.  4lbs exactly.  

It was my own fault due to the fact that while I've been a little lazy on the exact program, I have still managed to lose a pound or two each week.  That in itself made me complacent, and think in the back of my head I'd be okay this week.  Boy was I wrong.  I was so angry with myself during my meeting that I almost missed something our meeting leader said.   She said the words "non-scale victory"  At first I couldn't think about any reason this week would be considered a victory.  Then she started talking about behavorial changes and how they affect us in the long run.  I realized that I had made a very important non scale victory this week. 

On Tuesday evening, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner at a nice steak house. Something we dont do often, but I had won an award at work and that was the prize.  Normally I would always order the "biggest" item I could find on the menu.  I wanted steak, so no 8oz fillet Mignon would do.  No I had to have the biggest steak around, with the most side dishes available.  value for money they always say.  But on Tuesday I did something different.   I ordered the Fillet Mignon, because for the first time I wanted to taste and enjoy a better meal then stuff myself to the brim.   My boyfriend and I also did something we do not normally do.  We shared an appetizer (as opposed to getting one each) we split a large starter salad, and in the end we enjoyed sharing a single desert.   For the first time I can remember, I ENJOYED the food.   The best part about this story is I didn't realize what I had done, until we had already eaten dinner and I was thinking to myself "why have I never tried the Fillet Mignon before"... and that's when it hit me.

So even though I had a bad week scale wise, I will accept that my behavior is changing and view that as victory.  I will take my weight gain as an expected thing, and focus my disappointment into tracking food like I should, fitting in activity and looking forward to a better weigh in next week!

Monday, November 9, 2009

I just dont have "time"!

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
Ellen DeGeneres
I Love this quote, its been something that has been bouncing around my brain.  I feel constantly constricted for time.  I haven't blogged in awhile, because i don't have time, I haven't exercised because I just don't have time.   Tracking my points..takes too much time.   All the excuses to fudge on things I need to do for myself.  All because I'm lacking this ever elusive "time" thing.  I was watching ellens stand up comedy show, and I heard her do this joke.  I laughed of course, but I laughed more because it struck me. I am the same way.  I read an entire book the other day (I read really fast so 500+pgs in a day is an easy thing)  Then I turned around and said I didn't have time to go to the gym.  Or go for a walk.   This week I was supposed to be tracking everything I have eaten down to the last crumb.   So far I've written down my food, but haven't figured out the points value of the food.  which makes it useless.   I think the problem I'm having is the past few weeks I have lost weight (slowly, omg so slowly) when I go to weigh in, and I haven't exercised or even really tracked what I'm eating.   I'm still losing, so my subconcious or my lazy self is saying I'm doing okay with out it.   My analytical brain is telling me that I could be doing SO MUCH MORE.  I'm tired of losing 1lb a week.  I want to up that to 2 to 3 lbs at least.  I'm large enough that it shouldn't be a huge obstacle .
On a more positive note, i HAVE lost weight. And more appropriately I have kept it off for a period of 7 weeks.   To me that's amazing, I don't think I have ever kept a downward slide in my weight loss for more than a period of a month at best. I"m 5.6lbs from my 5% goal.  I do feel Better in a lot of ways. But I know I need to commit to and find time for some activity in my life. Before I joined weight watchers I was going to the gym all the time.   It helped me tone up and size down a bit, but I never dropped a pound of weight.  I did this for about 5 months.   I was SO extremely frustrated. I started to let my gym time slip.  A trainer told me that I needed to get my nutrition in order, because weight loss was 85 percent nutrition and 15 percent activity.   So I used my gym money to join weight watchers.  i don't regret it at all, but I think I have to rejoin the gym.  I need a place to go that I can just lose myself in my headphone and get my sweat on.  I don't like working out at my boyfriends house, his idea of activity is walking from the couch to the bathroom.  My favorite time to work out is when I get off work at 4am, but its not safe to go walking in my city at that time.  So without a gym membership I'm stuck at home with my tapes.  And they get pretty boring. 
I keep forgetting that losing weight is about "myself" and if you forget to make time for yourself, you will end up failing.  And failure is just not an option in my world anymore.  I refuse to accept failure as the final result.  
current weigh in analysis.
pre WW weight   367lbs
week 1 weigh in   360.4 lbs  ( -7 )
week 2 weigh in   356.8 lbs  ( -4.4 )
week 3 weigh in   357.8 lbs  ( + 1 )
week 4 weigh in   356.8 lbs  (- 1 )
week 5 weigh in   353.6 lbs  (-3.2)
week 6 weigh in   352.6 lbs  ( -1)
week 7 weigh in   351.2 lbs  (- 1.4)
total weight loss 16.2 lbs in a period of 8 weeks.   so yay me!
these weeks goal.. MAKE TIME!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Been a few days

To catch up on the past two meetings, last week I had lost a lb.  putting me back to where I was before the previous week.  ( a total of 356.6).  I decided that drinking TOO much diet soda was making me hold on to a bunch of water.   This week I kept it to drinking unsweetened teas, water, Gatorade and a few soda's here and there.  (usually not diet)  I figure if I'm going to treat myself to a coke, then I'm going to drink regular soda. Using it as a treat actually lets me enjoy it without feeling guilty.  I pretty much followed my point system really well on friday through sunday.  Monday rolled around and I had family come into town, due to a very very sick relative being in the hospital.  As well as my best friend and her family (hubby and kids)  So it was a jam packed week for me.  Monday I have to say I didn't do so well food wise. It was monday night football, with my friends in was gonna be a food free for all.   Knowing this, I ate very sparingly during the earlier part of the day, hoping to save up some points (along with my bonus) for the evening.   By the end of the night I made the mistake of not tracking my food, and ended up drinking just enough for me not to remember alot of what I ate.  So I felt a little mad at myself about that.   I picked back up and kept going through the rest of the week.   I even ate out a time or too, but had decidedly healthy choices, instead of the regular burger fry situation.  I have found that having an Iphone makes it VERY VERY convenient to track points and take the guess work out of most places.  My sis and I stopped at samarui sams for a terryaki chicken bowl.   While eating it, I googled Samarui sams' nutrtional information, and was able to calculate almost to the exact, how many points it was.   I found this is very helpful in making better choices and pre planning a fast food excursion.  It's also helped me realize alot of things I would think may be healthy, arn't really the best choice out there.   This is also helpful in the sense that even if your just counting calories, you can always go online and google something before you put it in your mouth and get a great estimation if not the exact amount of calories/fat/carbs your putting into your body.

So at the conclusion of this week, I had my 5th official weigh in today.   This week I lost 3.2 lbs.  An amount i'm very proud of.   At the start of this life style change 6 weeks ago, I was at my heaviest weight of 367lbs.  I'm now down to 353.2  My first weight loss goal is 345. So I'm just a handfull of lbs away from making my first mark!  I'm actually excited and looking forward to this week.    My goal for this week is to set, plan and put into action a workout/exercise regime.   So far I've been letting it slack, but I can feel the energy I'm missing since I stopped hitting the gym.

And I have to say I'm extremely excited about the fact that I bought a Halloween costume  "sexy Indian princess"  that was a plus size 16-22.  The reviews online for this costume said it ran small, and that a 22 probably wouldn't fit very comfortably in it.  The last I checked i was a size 24/26.   I went to the costume shop today and tried it on and it fit beautifully!   I'm gonna be rocking the pocahantis look this year!

Any of you guys dressing up this year? I have dressed up in a few years due to always working, as I will be this year as well. Only this year they let us dress up at work, so I plan to take full advantage of the situation.  I would love to hear what kind of costume idea's you've come up with.  I love Halloween and I think its great to see bigger girls and guys slipping off some of their own insecurity to step up and be bold and fun on a holiday!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Everyday above ground is a good day

Ahah! Just another wonderfully stressful week. I think I feed off stress. I mean I must have to, to gain so much weight and live my fast passed uber stressed life.   Hmm maybe its not feeding OFF of stress, but feeding BECAUSE of stress.  There just might be something there! In all actuality my week only STARTED off stressful.  It eventually rolled into a nice relaxed mode that I am currently enjoying, perhaps a bit too much.

So Last week after I made a post (and I do hope to be posting more freqently in the future)  I got ready for work then hopped in my sickly car (the post had stuff to do with car trouble)  I got maybe a block from my house when I smelled this HORRIBLE burning rubber sound and realized the obnoxious sound from my car had become just down right rude.  I panicked and turn around hoping to make it back home.  Sure enough I'm not 5 feet into my apartment complex when my serpintine belt snaps, my engine dies, and my car just floats in the abyss that all broken cars go to.   With the help of some kindly strangers and my own sister, we manage to push the car into a parking space, while I call off work for the night.   I get some advice to call my dealership ( I figured as a used car buyer, my warranty options where limitted but hey its worth a shot)  Turns out the ac compressor on my car (previously quoted at 1000 duckies to fix) was under warranty if my mileage was under 65k.  which it was!  So I had my car towed, and they fixed  the ac compressor for free! how much is free you ask..why NOTHING! thats right. All I had to do was pay for a new belt and some freon. a cost of 165.  As they got to work though they noticed my breaks (along with 3 tires) where really bad. So I figure okay I saved alot of money on this ac thing, lets get the breaks done.  it was supposed to cost me 200.  So i'm at 365 + tax.  Turns out my rotors are competely destroyed and need to be replaced...tack on 421 bucks.  I told them no, I just couldn't afford it, and to just put on the break pads and i'll see what I can do in a few weeks.    Low and behold, my service tech calls me back and says "i can't let you drive out on this, it sjust not safe, so i'm going to not charge you for anything else but the rotor change for a total of 421 dollars.. all the other stuff is free"  I was in shock.   I ended up driving out of the dealership with about 1800 dollars in work for 420 bucks.  SOMEBODY was looking out for me.

My sister got her unemployment claim as well, proving that she was in fact wrongfully fired from that shitty ass place she used to work for.  I'm glad she won the claim just to prove the point that she WAS targetted and wrongfully termed.  But the extra money until her first paycheck rolls in will help alot.

Now onto the food/health issue.  I did go to my meeting, and as I suspected I gained 1lb.  I'm not to upset by this only because I kinda knew it was gonna happen, and all in all, I kept my weight stable with only a slight increase.  I've doubled my efforts to do better this week.  Last week I tried to find a love for Diet Pepsi with lime.   I think I liked it too much, I ended up drinking more of that, then water.  I think that helped contribute to my weight gain. The sodium just made me feel thirsty and bloated all week long.  I went back to my crystal light drinks.  I have eaten out a bit more this week than I wanted to, but I did count for it, as well as going for 45 minute walks every other day.  The only sad thing about this week is that I had to cancel my weight watchers online account for a few weeks, due to money issues.  I LOVE that tool, it makes tracking my points and keeping up with my healthy choices so much easier.   I can't wait till I can repurchase it.

On a side note I've decided to try something a little different for me.  I tend to not be an organized person, so I'll get lazy and put things off that I should be doing (like packing right now)  So this week I'm going to make a list of things I need to do everyday.  And stick to it.  I wont over stress myself, but I think I need some organization and motivation.

Honestly the more I think back on the last few weeks, and what they have finally accumulated to.  All I can say is...despite its ups and downs, I really do love my life.  I think we all should remind ourselves every so often, that no matter how stressful life gets, that "everyday above ground, is a good day".  

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Disaster can bring forth good things

On Monday I failed MISERABLY to stick to my points plan.  I was good up until the evening.  My best guy friend in the world just broke up with his gf, and wanted to come and hang out and have best friend time.  And basically talk to the coolest chic in his life =D  (hey everyone gets to be narcissistic sometimes)  So I figured okay, I can do this, I can make some lower calorie drinks, we already ate a low cal dinner so I'm good to go.

Not so much.. we invited my sisters boyfriend over and got the drinking on. After two drinks and some talking I started to feel the curlings of hunger or something gnawing at me.  I ignored it.   About an hour later, and a poorly made decision on my part found me with some munchie grumblings in my tummy.  Drunk and not quite in my right mind, I scoured the fridge.  Thats where it all goes down hill. Before I even know it, i'm scooping out left over chili with some tortilla with lime chips.....and even later than that I down 2/3's a box of mac N Cheese with hamburger and peas.   My god.
I was ashamed of myself the next day. So I stubbornly decided to not track anything and toss it up to a really really bad day, and get back on program on tuesday.   I did however step on the scale to see my damage, I shouldn't have done that, it in no way reinforced my desire to keep going.  I've asked my sister to take my scale and put it in her bathroom, a room i wont venture into even if you paid me!  Tuesday my car started to take a dive on me.. YAY..(sarcasm)   The ac compressor in my sante fe decided to take a long walk off a very short pier.  Now my belt is starting to wear down.  Mechanic told me the part itself is  475, and the labor would be about 450. RIIIIIIGHT  i'll just pull that out of my bunny hole.  Well luckily my boyfriend tends to be somewhat smart.  We started looking online for rebuilt/lower priced ac compressors for my vehicle.  Low and behold I found one for half the price the mechanic quoted me.   Now i'm just gonna do some auto repair shopping and find out who will put it in for the cheapest price. Since i'm just paying for labor.  I wouldnt' be so stressed about this, except i'm moving in about 3 weeks, and I need 1000 for that little project.  so spending 1000 on a car repair is NOT really an option. With all this stress, I have found something out, my habits ARE changing.  Usually when i'm stressed out, I want to sit down with a pizza and some icecream.. I actually UNDERate on tuesday.  I came up 10 points shy of my daily total.  I was surprised and happy with my change of attutide towards emotional eating, but still bummed I came up shy of my points.  Its important to eat all the food your allowed.

Today my sister made me sit down and calculate my disasterous monday night munchie fest.  I had to face the music. As bad as it was, I am really glad I did it.  It turns out my daily total for monday was 63 points. I get a daily allowance of 43.  So i went 20 points over.  Which put my weekly ponus points at 5.  At least now I know, so I can stay on track for the rest of the week, without thinking I still had 25 bonus points left.   Like she said.."one shitty day doesn't mean your week is over."   

So thats my note to all of you,  IF and WHEN you have a bad day,  be honest with yourself.  Dont hide it or deflect it.  Face it head on, acknowledge where you messed up, own up to it, and then move on.  Holding yourself accountable for what you did is the ONLY way to keep you going.   And remember, One bad day does not destroy everything your working for =D

btw as an update from earlier posts, my currently unemployed NOW EMPLOYED!!!! out of a job three weeks to the day, and she walked in and got a job at a really nice sandwhich shop.  So thats another stressor down..

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Walking and motivation

Motivation is a strange thing.  I have come to notice that things I never would have thought would motivate me, have actually been encouraging me in the background.    Las Vegas has a very weird tempature setting.   5 days it go it was in the 100 degree tempatures.   The past 4days have all been wonderfully weathered, in the 70-80's range.  Indicating that we are in fact in our fall climate.  The weather, has inspired me to try some more out doors activities.  I used to go to the gym all the time.  And dont get me wrong I love the work outs, but with money being tight at the moment I had to give it up.   Does that mean I have to give up fitness?  Nope.   So my sister and I and our little Maltese, Jax, all loaded up and drove up to the park.  Our park has a mini man made lake in the middle of it with a mile long jogging track built around this lake.  I decided why not take the dog and see how well I did.    The first time we only went around once.  It was all right, but with the dog stopping to pee on just about everything it was a little slower and not as strenuous a work out as I really wanted.  Yesterday though Jax was a bad puppy and so he couldn't go to the park with us.  And trying to keep up with my sister, whom up until recently walked to work for two years, proved to be the work out I needed.   We did two miles (twice around) and I felt like I got a great work out.  Lugging 350lbs around is not an easy feet though and my body decided to tell me so.   I stand on my feet all night at work, and by the time I got off work I could barely walk to my car my poor tootsie's hurt so bad.  I think this is a combination of worn out work shoes and poor quality walking shoes.  So my next adventure is to purchase new shoes for both walking and working oh boy! Despite waking up this morning in pain, my quads, feet and knees where a little upset, I can't wait to go walking again tomorrow.  I've decided for my own sanity that i'll keep it every other day for now. I'm becoming addicted to being outside though.  Its so beautiful at our park. The soft breeze and perfect weather.   We do eventually have a goal of being able to jog the jogging track, but one step at a time.  Someone told me once that if you do it inch by inch, it'll be done in a cinch.  I remind myself that when I'm huffing and puffing to catch up to my faster sister.  I've even looked into a few local hiking area's with some beginners trails.  I believe I'll be trying one as a reward for hitting my 5 percent goal.

Speaking of weight loss I weighed in on Friday and lost 3.6lbs.  putting me at 356.8.  I was a little bummed that it wasn't more, which encouraged me to do even better this week.  I did however celebrate with the fact that i havn't been in the 350 range in almost a year.  So any loss is a beautiful thing for me.  I am proud of myself and that alone has made tracking, focusing and staying on program relatively easy.

Friday, October 2, 2009

So far...

Okay this is strange. The past week I've eaten more food per day than I can remember eating in a LONG LONG time.  According to my weight watchers point allowance I have to eat 44 points worth of food.  You may not think so, but that is ALOT of food.   Especially when you make healthier choices.  The more fruits and veggies you fill up on, the less points you use.  There where some days I did go over, I wont lie.  But i have been EXTREMELY honest with myself.  Every bite, gulp or sip that has passed these lips  has been accounted for.   And I still didn't use all of my bonus weekly points.  

I'm still not sure what the scale results will show, and I couldn't figure out how eating so much food is supposed to help me lose weight.  So I did the next best thing, I joined a Weight Watchers Forum, called bootcamp buddies.  A bunch of people that are lifers, or working on becoming lifers.  All of them at various stages in the WW life process.  and so much knowledge its amazing.   I asked "how can I be eating so much food and still losing weight".    Turns out someone of my body weight used to eat  70 to -75 points a day just to maintain that size.  So by cutting myself down to 44 points a day I am in fact creating a calorie deficit that will enable me to lose weight.   It makes sense, but I was still skeptical.  So what do you do when your skeptical, Jump on a scale and see what it says!

Now, let me be very very clear.  When you start this program, they tell you to dump your scale out the window.  You should only weigh yourself once a week, and usually at the same time, in the same clothes. I couldn't help it though, I just had to know if I was losing anything.    I have a digital scale that goes up pretty high, but sadly (not to mention extremely embarrassingly)  the last 5 months of me trying to use it, it has given me an E rror message.  Meaning I out weighed my scales weighing capacity.  This is when you know you have to do something.    Well despite my own fear and doubt, I stepped on my home scale, and low and behold not only did it work for me but it read 357.2 lbs   down 3 lbs from my official weigh in weight, and an actual 10 lbs from my mental start of this new life style.  So in short...the eating more food DOES seem to work.   (mind you i stepped on the scale in the evening, after two meals and just having walked a mile at the park- meaning I might even do better at my official weekly weigh at noon today!!)Mother nature herself is conspiring against me though. Wouldn't you know the day before my second weigh in, I get my period. haha.. I get turned into the human super sponge and now I get to face a scale.   AHHH you gotta love life.   If you can't laugh at the irony then your only other choice is to be bitter.   So I chuckle, and by god I'm wearing my comfy period clothes tomorrow, i don't care what ANYONE Says!

I'll be back with a double post today to add how the weigh in went. and to focus on my first small excersize goal to add into my nutrition.

Friday, September 25, 2009

WW, and my first Goals..

So I joined weight watchers today. And I feel extremely excited. First off, I weighed myself last week before doing all this stuff and the numbers where heart wrenching. I'm 5'7" and 1/4 (just measured today lol) And when I weighed myself over a week ago, I weighed in at 367. I have a long way to go. By my height, the highend of my healthy weight range is 164. I can't see myself at that weight. I have always been heavier than I look, due to the massive amounts of muscle I have. Having been so active in school and through out my life. So my far off goal is to weigh 200lbs. At that point I'll re-evaluate myself and if I want to go further.

I stepped on the scale today for my initial weigh in. 360.4lbs. From just cutting soda back, and making very small, healthier choices I have dropped 7 lbs in a week. I'm excited, losing before even officially trying lol. here are my starting measurements

weight - 360.4 lbs
Pant/dress size - 24/26
Chest -
-Under bust -49 inches
-Overbust -57.5 inches
Hips -65.5 inches (most prominent point over my stomach)
Waist -53 inches
Neck -17.5 inches
Right -15.5 inches
Left -16 inches
Right -31 inches
Left -31 inches

First weight loss goal is 5% of my current body weight. that is 18lbs. after that the second goal is 10%. But we're taking it one goal, one week, one day, one step at a time. =)

Looks like I have a long way to go, and i'm not afraid. Just excited. I want to start being able to post my losses and see how they add up.. and fit in those size 18...16...14 whatevers. This is the first time in my life that I have posted what I weigh, and what I measure. I thought I'd be more nervous our ashamed. In actuality I feel liberated.

Well thats all for now, I'm off to get ready for work.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

ahhhhh I'm old!

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm getting older, or because I've managed to contract some kind of virus from work that or a combination of both. But the no soda/ caffeine withdrawel has been extremely brutal for me this go round. I've done it before, cut out soda for a month. But I usually substitute it for unsweetened tea. Well in my journey to be healthier I've been focusing more on water than on anything else. Two nights ago I had to leave work 3 hours early due to the fact that my head was pounding so hard, that every time my table won/and cheered (i'm a craps dealer in a casino) I literally saw the room around me spin. I took 4 Excedrin to dull the roaring pounding of my skull, but they only took an edge off. As soon as I got to my boyfriends house I drank a glass of Diet Dr Pepper. I can't tell you how sweet it felt coursing through my body. I know this can't be true but it felt like it went straight to my brain. It helped the dull the pain in my head, enough that I could lay down and pass out. I woke up headache free. Around the same time as yesterday though, I felt the pain creeping back, along with some chills and dizziness. So again, I'm not sure if its either age or health or a combination of both.

My sister woke up sick today and she said she has a SPLITTING headache. So i'm thinking its part of the virus we both seemed to have contracted. But since I can't afford to take a sick day from work right now, I went down to the pharmacy and bought some Advil Cold and Sinus. To anyone who has ever worked in a place where germs run rampant like starving fat people in a buffet, (and I can say that because I've BEEN that person lol) Advil Cold and Sinus is the stuff of the Gods! Its still over the counter, but you have to show your ID to get it, because instead of compromising the integrity and strength of the drug, (it has a component that meth pushers/users can make meth from) they made it accessible only through ID check, so the can keep track of how much each individual uses. Trust me, if you wake up one day and feel like death just stuffed you back into your skin, and you have no CHOICE but to slave away to your daily routine...LOVE THE ADVIL. It does wonders.

I took 4 of those last night, and BAM I floated through my shift. It killed my headache, cleared up my chest congestion and even woke me up a bit. (I think it might have caffeine)

On a side note, we still arn't sure if my sister got the job she interviewed. They said she was over qualified for a hostess, but under qualified to be a bus person. try and figure that one out. Its okay though, we both have degree's in massage therapy, but not the funding to get licensed. I did some research and there is a company here in town that will front you the money to become a licensed massage therapist and give you a job at the same time. So I'm having her check into that. Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball you smash a home run!

Speaking of sports, my bf is bugging me cuz we are supposed to be on our way to our favorite Chargers bar to watch them smash the ravens (hopefully)

talk to you all later!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Chaos can be brilliant

A few days ago, I set a goal for myself. And happened to pretty much fail miserably. LOL. But I'm not deterred. I actually in fact picked it right back up after my failure. On Wednesday I planned to stop drinking soda, and to incorporate at least 30 minutes of exercise into my daily routine. The first thing I ended up drinking on Wednesday, was a medium strawberry fanta from carls jr. I LOVE this soda. But it wasn't until I was half way through that I realized I failed my challenge at the same moment I remembered I was doing it.

Wednesday was a bad day. My sister/roomate had been suspended from a job that she had been working for two years. It was a bad time for her, because for the last six months she had been being harrassed and she stood up for herself. They finally found a trumped up excuse to fire her. Even other store managers of the same company said she should never have been fired for what happened. But what can you do. It was a stress full day, and a stressfull day called for fastfood, right......well wrong, but at the time i was just worried about her being okay.

So for the past two days she's been out job hunting, and low and behold she gets a call for an interview at a fancy expensive Steakhouse type resturant. She passed the interview and has a meeting/interview with the resturant manager tomorrow. We are pretty sure she's gonna get the job. I think its a MIRACLE that in these times she can go from being unjustly fired on wed, to pretty much hired on saterday. Thank goodness!

But because I'm her chauffer, (she's just learning how to drive.... and yes she's 21 just never been much of a driver) I have had to put aside all my ambition to follow my weight loss. I even gave up going to my first ever WW meeting with my weight loss buddy, so I could take my sister to her interview. But family comes first.

On a positive note, yes, on wed afternoon I drank a soda. After that soda, I havn't had another coke/soda type beverage since. I had to fight off a massive caffiene headache, which I actually feel coming back right now, but i'll get to work and drink the unsweetened tea to counter act my caffiene addiction.

Now I just need to start incorporating more exercise again. I have been taking all the stairs at work instead of the elevtors and going out of my way to not be lazy. But having gone from going to the gym everyday to nothing is starting to hurt me physcially and mentally.

a week from today will be my first WW meeting, On that friday we will talk about my weight loss goals and develope my plan. Until then I'll just keep getting myself prepared!.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Interested or Commited

Am I committed to my goal of losing weight, and changing my life? Or am I only interested. And is there really a difference? Of course there is. All of us on this journey, have had the moments of "i dont FEEL like going to the gym today" or.."i really dont feel like cooking lets hit the drive through". How you react to these situations determines whether you are commited in your goal, or just interested. The difference is this, if your commited you DO IT ANYWAY.

In the past I think I have had a real problem with commitment and interest. I've always been interested in sticking to a healthier life style. To being an exercising queen, and someday wearing skinny jeans. But while the ideas are always there, the desire and the dreams, the actual commitment to withstand the hard work has been lacking.

Today I woke with a stone cold resolve. The reality of it, is I know I'm going to have bad days. But as of this morning when I woke up, I knew in my heart that I was committed. I didn't want to be one of those interested people. I wanted to be committed. I WANT to be committed to my new life style. I AM commited to my new lifestyle.

Sometimes when your having a bad patch, its good to chant this little mantra out. You seem to gain more confidence with each time you tell yourself you are committed.

The next time you start to feel your resolve weakening, and your will to keep going disolving... remember the following:

Committed People:
~stick with their plans NO MATTER WHAT
~take action, even when they don't feel like it
~Assume that if stay motivated, results WILL follow
~keep going, in the face of set backs and challenges (we all face them, KEEP GOING!)
~(this is my personal favorite) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their own actions...

Todays challenge: Make a list of actions you plan to stick with today. AND DO IT, regardless of what comes your way. When your done, take a second to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself. You just showed yourself how committed you really are.

my goals. 1 - No soft drinks for the entire day (one day at a time people, one day at a time)
2 - Get 30 minutes of exersize in. any type Just as long as I get it done.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So Fate steps in

I was wishy washy about forking out the money for weight watchers. I'm glad I did wait, at least this week. On Thursday I was driving around town running errands and such. I kept noticing that every time I started my car it seemed sluggish to start. It didn't really roar to life or anything. This didn't really seem normal. Three time in the past month and a half my car battery has died for some really insignificant reason. So I pull into the gas station to fill up, leaving my car door open, which inevitably leaves the dome light on. 4 minutes later I'm in the car and ready to go, except now my car wont turn over! The battery died. From sitting there with the dome light on for 5 minutes! Thank GOD my boyfriend, being the nice guy that he is, bought me a pair of jumper cables a couple weeks ago. (men think of stuff like this... its amazing!) Unfortunatly he was on the other side of town, with his own car troubles so he couldn't come save me like a knight in shining armor. So he says "your a girl, pull out the cables and go do your girl thing" Sure enough, it worked. I walked over to a young looking guy who was dressed in that trendy punk style. You know, the style that says "hey i'm into punk and emo, but I drive a Mercedes and hang out at starbucks" I wondered over to him, and asked him politely if he could give me a jump. He hesitated at first, which i found out later was because he had NO idea what he was doing lol.

He pulls his car around, pops the hood and turns it off. So as I'm hooking the cars up, I realize his car isn't on. I told him he should turn his car on so he doesn't short out his battery and he says to me.."ooh that doesn't matter". When in fact it DOES, how do i know? Trial and error baby trial and error lol. Sure enough right as he's about to go to hook his cables up, a man steps up and says "hey you guys need some help?" Thankfully I said.."YES!" He comes over and the first thing he tells the guy is "son, you need to have your car running if your gonna jump her battery" So the kid goes and turns it on like "oh yeah i knew that" .......WTF i had JUST told him that. Apparently having ovaries makes you mechanically handicapped. Well anyway we got my car started, and the man told me to drive right over to auto zone because he thought I had a bad battery.

Sure enough, 80 bucks later (the money I was going to use for weight watchers) I had a brand new battery to go driving around town in. YAY.

I still am going to join WW. My friend at work, that would be my weight loss buddy , started it on friday and she's enjoying it. So i'm working on small concessions to get me ready. Such as cutting out soda from my diet and making sure I drink alot more water. Hopefully next payday I'll have enough to at least get me started.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

To Join or not to Join

As I sit here listening to the not so rythmic beat of my boyfriend trying to master the drums on his brand new Beatles Rockband he bought to day, I keep looking at my finances and ask myself, "is my health worth splurging an extra 120 dollars to join weight watchers?" Strange question huh? Is my health worth more than 120 dollars? The truth is yes. The inner turmoil comes from the fact that my sister and I, (we share an apartment) are looking to move in about 6 weeks. So I'm supposed to be saving all my money to help with this move.

I'm trying to weigh (yay for puns) the pro's and the con's. I did check and they have a cheaper starting price, for 4 weeks its 44 dollars. But I'm not sure if that includes the "free registration" price or if thats on top of the registration, and if i'm gonna end up paying 84 dollars in total for one month I might as well go ahead and spend 120 for 2 and a half months.. Makes sense to me.

I have been curious about the WW system for some time. I tried the online version, and promptly gave up, only because I really wasn't committed enough to come on everyday and keep a record of what i was eating. But for the past 5 months I have been making small goals to track what I eat, and how I work out, getting myself in the habit. Same with this blog here. Making myself write something even if I don't feel like it.

I think I'm just hedging really not because of the money, but because I really don't feel like trying and quitting something again. Though this time I have a partner to help me out. The idea of being motivated for a weekly meeting and weigh in appeals a lot to me. Especially since in the past everything I have tried on my own, with little support around me has ultimately failed. I know I have to start something....

oh what to do.. I hate waffling on a decision!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dance your Ass Off

Okay this show is amazing! Sad to say I never got into the "biggest loser" show. Mostly because I know that as gung ho as I am about making a change in my life, I don't think I could relate to someone doing the kind of excersize and seeing the weight drop of at such a rapid pace. nor am I a big fan of the lifetime or the oxygen channel. One day I while I was channel surfing U just happened to land on the Oxygen network. It was there that I saw this commercial for this show, that incorporated a challenge to lose weight while being the best dancer. I LOVE dance shows. So you think you can dance, America's best dance crew. Movies about dancers (step up 1 and 2, save the last dance) you name it I LOVE IT. One of my all time favorite movies is a very not well known movie called Strictly Ballroom. Its a little melodramatic, but the main actor is cute and its a heartwarming story about fear.

Anyway, Back to the show. It was during this show, I realized something. I love to dance, and if these people who are big like me can shake their stuff out there and look amazing then why can't I? I used to go out dancing all the time at the clubs with my friends a few years ago. Practically every night. My friends would be floored when various people would come up to me and say that they loved the way I moved and that I was great on the floor. See big people!!! never be afraid of something you love, just because of your extra poundage.

This is probably the best weight loss show I have ever watched. If your into inspiring, motivating tv shows, than this is for you. They have men and women both competing. And as each week passes you fall in love with the contestants more and more. By the end of this first season I wanted them all to win because I really couldn't pick just one that deserved it more than the rest.

Check it out, Google "dance your ass off" and see how these people changed their lives for the better, and learned how to love themselves. I know it has inspired me beyond belief.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

What, you ask, is a Phat Fighter?

The answer to your question is simple. A Phat fighter is someone who has finally decided to dedicate their energy and life to a change. I use the word Phat, because it means so many different things to different people. I heard the term PHAT used as a catalyst for defining ones self as a beautiful powerful big person. . Pretty Hot and Thick. It sparked a revolution in my mind that blew up to proportions bigger than my own jean sizes! In the past year I went through a mental transformation that has finally allowed me to embark on a journey that has been 29 years in the making.

There is only one truth when it comes to losing weight. If your not mentally prepared for the journey, then your not ready at all. It takes years, sometimes, to prepare yourself for what will be heading your way. Today I've decided to embark on a life changing journey to drop a significant amount of weight. Not because I hate myself and how I look, But because I am finally ready to meet the person inside me that I have spent the better part of the last two years getting to know, love and respect inspite of being overweight.

For myself it begins with self worth. How much do I value myself as a person? Do I love myself? Will I still love myself if I fail? Do I believe in myself? And is the person inside, under all that fat, worth the trials I will have to face in order to meet her? The answer to all of these questions is unequivocally YES!

Lets not get carried away though, I look at myself in the mirror, and I see things I wish desperately to change. If there is one person that reads this and can honestly say they haven't felt that way, then please let me know how that feels. But beyond the things I wish to change, I see things in myself I am also very proud of. The beauty of my face, the intelligence and compassion in my eyes, the curvy line of my hip. I could go on, but I wont. The point is... I COULD. Most people (men and women alike) only focus on the negative about who they are and what they look like. We focus so much on the negative things we see, that we never stop to take a second look at the amazing person we are.

Today I have made a promise to that person I see in the mirror, the person I love and respect. Today I am taking the first steps on a new journey in my life. I will be daily blogging the progress of this journey. I'll also be issuing challenges to anyone who picks up on this and reads it. Challenges to see yourself as a beautiful person who deserves your love and respect. Because only when you love and respect yourself, can you truly make a change in your life.

Todays challenge: Every time you look in the mirror from now on, and you see something about yourself you don't like, Find something you DO like to counter that negative way of thinking. The more you confront your image with positive thought, the more you will start to feel positive about yourself.