Saturday, November 28, 2009

survival of the holidays.

So how did everyone do over the holidays?    It was fun to have family over.  During the week I stuck to my plan. I was a few points over everyday, but always OP.   Come turkey day I had a dirty nasty love affair with deviled eggs and a few hand fulls of black olives.  (we were a kinky threesome lol)  But luckily I ended up doing quite well with myself.   I had weigh in on friday (the day after..OMG)  Now we where given a free-bee so we didn't have to weigh in if we didn't feel up to. And my buddy and I were not going to.  But she got there before me and changed her mind.   She was 4lbs up.   Well I figured I couldn't let her go it alone. So I cringed, gulped, and sucked it up.  Stepped up on the scale..............  I have never ever been happier in my life.  yes i DID gain.  But I only gained  .8 of a lb.

We have redoubled our efforts this week.  Behaving and gaining control over the weeks to come.   I Did some quiet reflection and realized I have been slacking.   I need make some better food choices.  I have had 10 weeks of weight watchers now.  And while I've been on a pretty much downward slope weight wise. But its been a very very SLOW downward slope.   With my recent gain/loss jumps  that 16 lbs deficit went to like 12lbs.   I had hoped to be losing more than that this first 11 weeks on the program.  But I also know that what I have or havn't lost is my own fault.  

So its time to take accountability of myself
1.  Promised to start up some kind of activity... .so far I have failed.  Its time to start.  I found a new gym opening up by my house. Its called planet fitness and its only  10 bucks a month plus free on track training (basically they help you build an exercise routine/program and then help you update it as your needs change)  I will be joining that on thursday when I get paid

2. I spent the money to join Weight watchers for a reason.   I think I've been slowly gaining the concept that this program WILL work.  I just need to sit down and figure out how to get the right amount of foods in my body.  I've been working well with the points, but not so well with getting all the servings of fruits/veggies and keeping my milk /proteins lower and leaner.   So This week Its time to tweak the process!

Today I read a quote, by an unknown author.  it said.  "you don't drown by falling in the water, You drown by staying there"   I know that my whole life I've been falling down in that water.   I dont want to drown.  I want to pick myself up and get the hell out of my own way.

Everyday we struggle, everyday we keep moving on.   If you happen to fall down along the way DO NOT stay there.  Pick yourself back up and keep moving!

p.s If any of you have any quotes you'd like to share that keep you going, please share them.. I always love a little added inspiration.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Disapointment VS the non-scale Victory

Last week I talked a big game about tracking everything I ate, following my WW to the exact all to see how well I could do at the end of the week.   Let me tell you  how I did.. I BLEW IT.   Not only did I not track, or follow the plan, but I ended up eating out 4 out of 7 days this week.  So I was not shocked by that fact that on my weigh in I gained weight.  What I was shocked by was how MUCH weight I gained.  4lbs exactly.  

It was my own fault due to the fact that while I've been a little lazy on the exact program, I have still managed to lose a pound or two each week.  That in itself made me complacent, and think in the back of my head I'd be okay this week.  Boy was I wrong.  I was so angry with myself during my meeting that I almost missed something our meeting leader said.   She said the words "non-scale victory"  At first I couldn't think about any reason this week would be considered a victory.  Then she started talking about behavorial changes and how they affect us in the long run.  I realized that I had made a very important non scale victory this week. 

On Tuesday evening, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner at a nice steak house. Something we dont do often, but I had won an award at work and that was the prize.  Normally I would always order the "biggest" item I could find on the menu.  I wanted steak, so no 8oz fillet Mignon would do.  No I had to have the biggest steak around, with the most side dishes available.  value for money they always say.  But on Tuesday I did something different.   I ordered the Fillet Mignon, because for the first time I wanted to taste and enjoy a better meal then stuff myself to the brim.   My boyfriend and I also did something we do not normally do.  We shared an appetizer (as opposed to getting one each) we split a large starter salad, and in the end we enjoyed sharing a single desert.   For the first time I can remember, I ENJOYED the food.   The best part about this story is I didn't realize what I had done, until we had already eaten dinner and I was thinking to myself "why have I never tried the Fillet Mignon before"... and that's when it hit me.

So even though I had a bad week scale wise, I will accept that my behavior is changing and view that as victory.  I will take my weight gain as an expected thing, and focus my disappointment into tracking food like I should, fitting in activity and looking forward to a better weigh in next week!

Monday, November 9, 2009

I just dont have "time"!

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
Ellen DeGeneres
I Love this quote, its been something that has been bouncing around my brain.  I feel constantly constricted for time.  I haven't blogged in awhile, because i don't have time, I haven't exercised because I just don't have time.   Tracking my points..takes too much time.   All the excuses to fudge on things I need to do for myself.  All because I'm lacking this ever elusive "time" thing.  I was watching ellens stand up comedy show, and I heard her do this joke.  I laughed of course, but I laughed more because it struck me. I am the same way.  I read an entire book the other day (I read really fast so 500+pgs in a day is an easy thing)  Then I turned around and said I didn't have time to go to the gym.  Or go for a walk.   This week I was supposed to be tracking everything I have eaten down to the last crumb.   So far I've written down my food, but haven't figured out the points value of the food.  which makes it useless.   I think the problem I'm having is the past few weeks I have lost weight (slowly, omg so slowly) when I go to weigh in, and I haven't exercised or even really tracked what I'm eating.   I'm still losing, so my subconcious or my lazy self is saying I'm doing okay with out it.   My analytical brain is telling me that I could be doing SO MUCH MORE.  I'm tired of losing 1lb a week.  I want to up that to 2 to 3 lbs at least.  I'm large enough that it shouldn't be a huge obstacle .
On a more positive note, i HAVE lost weight. And more appropriately I have kept it off for a period of 7 weeks.   To me that's amazing, I don't think I have ever kept a downward slide in my weight loss for more than a period of a month at best. I"m 5.6lbs from my 5% goal.  I do feel Better in a lot of ways. But I know I need to commit to and find time for some activity in my life. Before I joined weight watchers I was going to the gym all the time.   It helped me tone up and size down a bit, but I never dropped a pound of weight.  I did this for about 5 months.   I was SO extremely frustrated. I started to let my gym time slip.  A trainer told me that I needed to get my nutrition in order, because weight loss was 85 percent nutrition and 15 percent activity.   So I used my gym money to join weight watchers.  i don't regret it at all, but I think I have to rejoin the gym.  I need a place to go that I can just lose myself in my headphone and get my sweat on.  I don't like working out at my boyfriends house, his idea of activity is walking from the couch to the bathroom.  My favorite time to work out is when I get off work at 4am, but its not safe to go walking in my city at that time.  So without a gym membership I'm stuck at home with my tapes.  And they get pretty boring. 
I keep forgetting that losing weight is about "myself" and if you forget to make time for yourself, you will end up failing.  And failure is just not an option in my world anymore.  I refuse to accept failure as the final result.  
current weigh in analysis.
pre WW weight   367lbs
week 1 weigh in   360.4 lbs  ( -7 )
week 2 weigh in   356.8 lbs  ( -4.4 )
week 3 weigh in   357.8 lbs  ( + 1 )
week 4 weigh in   356.8 lbs  (- 1 )
week 5 weigh in   353.6 lbs  (-3.2)
week 6 weigh in   352.6 lbs  ( -1)
week 7 weigh in   351.2 lbs  (- 1.4)
total weight loss 16.2 lbs in a period of 8 weeks.   so yay me!
these weeks goal.. MAKE TIME!