Been a few days

To catch up on the past two meetings, last week I had lost a lb.  putting me back to where I was before the previous week.  ( a total of 356.6).  I decided that drinking TOO much diet soda was making me hold on to a bunch of water.   This week I kept it to drinking unsweetened teas, water, Gatorade and a few soda's here and there.  (usually not diet)  I figure if I'm going to treat myself to a coke, then I'm going to drink regular soda. Using it as a treat actually lets me enjoy it without feeling guilty.  I pretty much followed my point system really well on friday through sunday.  Monday rolled around and I had family come into town, due to a very very sick relative being in the hospital.  As well as my best friend and her family (hubby and kids)  So it was a jam packed week for me.  Monday I have to say I didn't do so well food wise. It was monday night football, with my friends in town...it was gonna be a food free for all.   Knowing this, I ate very sparingly during the earlier part of the day, hoping to save up some points (along with my bonus) for the evening.   By the end of the night I made the mistake of not tracking my food, and ended up drinking just enough for me not to remember alot of what I ate.  So I felt a little mad at myself about that.   I picked back up and kept going through the rest of the week.   I even ate out a time or too, but had decidedly healthy choices, instead of the regular burger fry situation.  I have found that having an Iphone makes it VERY VERY convenient to track points and take the guess work out of most places.  My sis and I stopped at samarui sams for a terryaki chicken bowl.   While eating it, I googled Samarui sams' nutrtional information, and was able to calculate almost to the exact, how many points it was.   I found this is very helpful in making better choices and pre planning a fast food excursion.  It's also helped me realize alot of things I would think may be healthy, arn't really the best choice out there.   This is also helpful in the sense that even if your just counting calories, you can always go online and google something before you put it in your mouth and get a great estimation if not the exact amount of calories/fat/carbs your putting into your body.

So at the conclusion of this week, I had my 5th official weigh in today.   This week I lost 3.2 lbs.  An amount i'm very proud of.   At the start of this life style change 6 weeks ago, I was at my heaviest weight of 367lbs.  I'm now down to 353.2  My first weight loss goal is 345. So I'm just a handfull of lbs away from making my first mark!  I'm actually excited and looking forward to this week.    My goal for this week is to set, plan and put into action a workout/exercise regime.   So far I've been letting it slack, but I can feel the energy I'm missing since I stopped hitting the gym.

And I have to say I'm extremely excited about the fact that I bought a Halloween costume  "sexy Indian princess"  that was a plus size 16-22.  The reviews online for this costume said it ran small, and that a 22 probably wouldn't fit very comfortably in it.  The last I checked i was a size 24/26.   I went to the costume shop today and tried it on and it fit beautifully!   I'm gonna be rocking the pocahantis look this year!

Any of you guys dressing up this year? I have dressed up in a few years due to always working, as I will be this year as well. Only this year they let us dress up at work, so I plan to take full advantage of the situation.  I would love to hear what kind of costume idea's you've come up with.  I love Halloween and I think its great to see bigger girls and guys slipping off some of their own insecurity to step up and be bold and fun on a holiday!

Everyday above ground is a good day

Ahah! Just another wonderfully stressful week. I think I feed off stress. I mean I must have to, to gain so much weight and live my fast passed uber stressed life.   Hmm maybe its not feeding OFF of stress, but feeding BECAUSE of stress.  There just might be something there! In all actuality my week only STARTED off stressful.  It eventually rolled into a nice relaxed mode that I am currently enjoying, perhaps a bit too much.

So Last week after I made a post (and I do hope to be posting more freqently in the future)  I got ready for work then hopped in my sickly car (the post had stuff to do with car trouble)  I got maybe a block from my house when I smelled this HORRIBLE burning rubber sound and realized the obnoxious sound from my car had become just down right rude.  I panicked and turn around hoping to make it back home.  Sure enough I'm not 5 feet into my apartment complex when my serpintine belt snaps, my engine dies, and my car just floats in the abyss that all broken cars go to.   With the help of some kindly strangers and my own sister, we manage to push the car into a parking space, while I call off work for the night.   I get some advice to call my dealership ( I figured as a used car buyer, my warranty options where limitted but hey its worth a shot)  Turns out the ac compressor on my car (previously quoted at 1000 duckies to fix) was under warranty if my mileage was under 65k.  which it was!  So I had my car towed, and they fixed  the ac compressor for free! how much is free you ask..why NOTHING! thats right. All I had to do was pay for a new belt and some freon. a cost of 165.  As they got to work though they noticed my breaks (along with 3 tires) where really bad. So I figure okay I saved alot of money on this ac thing, lets get the breaks done.  it was supposed to cost me 200.  So i'm at 365 + tax.  Turns out my rotors are competely destroyed and need to be replaced...tack on 421 bucks.  I told them no, I just couldn't afford it, and to just put on the break pads and i'll see what I can do in a few weeks.    Low and behold, my service tech calls me back and says "i can't let you drive out on this, it sjust not safe, so i'm going to not charge you for anything else but the rotor change for a total of 421 dollars.. all the other stuff is free"  I was in shock.   I ended up driving out of the dealership with about 1800 dollars in work for 420 bucks.  SOMEBODY was looking out for me.

My sister got her unemployment claim as well, proving that she was in fact wrongfully fired from that shitty ass place she used to work for.  I'm glad she won the claim just to prove the point that she WAS targetted and wrongfully termed.  But the extra money until her first paycheck rolls in will help alot.

Now onto the food/health issue.  I did go to my meeting, and as I suspected I gained 1lb.  I'm not to upset by this only because I kinda knew it was gonna happen, and all in all, I kept my weight stable with only a slight increase.  I've doubled my efforts to do better this week.  Last week I tried to find a love for Diet Pepsi with lime.   I think I liked it too much, I ended up drinking more of that, then water.  I think that helped contribute to my weight gain. The sodium just made me feel thirsty and bloated all week long.  I went back to my crystal light drinks.  I have eaten out a bit more this week than I wanted to, but I did count for it, as well as going for 45 minute walks every other day.  The only sad thing about this week is that I had to cancel my weight watchers online account for a few weeks, due to money issues.  I LOVE that tool, it makes tracking my points and keeping up with my healthy choices so much easier.   I can't wait till I can repurchase it.

On a side note I've decided to try something a little different for me.  I tend to not be an organized person, so I'll get lazy and put things off that I should be doing (like packing right now)  So this week I'm going to make a list of things I need to do everyday.  And stick to it.  I wont over stress myself, but I think I need some organization and motivation.

Honestly the more I think back on the last few weeks, and what they have finally accumulated to.  All I can say is...despite its ups and downs, I really do love my life.  I think we all should remind ourselves every so often, that no matter how stressful life gets, that "everyday above ground, is a good day".  

Disaster can bring forth good things

On Monday I failed MISERABLY to stick to my points plan.  I was good up until the evening.  My best guy friend in the world just broke up with his gf, and wanted to come and hang out and have best friend time.  And basically talk to the coolest chic in his life =D  (hey everyone gets to be narcissistic sometimes)  So I figured okay, I can do this, I can make some lower calorie drinks, we already ate a low cal dinner so I'm good to go.

Not so much.. we invited my sisters boyfriend over and got the drinking on. After two drinks and some talking I started to feel the curlings of hunger or something gnawing at me.  I ignored it.   About an hour later, and a poorly made decision on my part found me with some munchie grumblings in my tummy.  Drunk and not quite in my right mind, I scoured the fridge.  Thats where it all goes down hill. Before I even know it, i'm scooping out left over chili with some tortilla with lime chips.....and even later than that I down 2/3's a box of mac N Cheese with hamburger and peas.   My god.
I was ashamed of myself the next day. So I stubbornly decided to not track anything and toss it up to a really really bad day, and get back on program on tuesday.   I did however step on the scale to see my damage, I shouldn't have done that, it in no way reinforced my desire to keep going.  I've asked my sister to take my scale and put it in her bathroom, a room i wont venture into even if you paid me!  Tuesday my car started to take a dive on me.. YAY..(sarcasm)   The ac compressor in my sante fe decided to take a long walk off a very short pier.  Now my belt is starting to wear down.  Mechanic told me the part itself is  475, and the labor would be about 450. RIIIIIIGHT  i'll just pull that out of my bunny hole.  Well luckily my boyfriend tends to be somewhat smart.  We started looking online for rebuilt/lower priced ac compressors for my vehicle.  Low and behold I found one for half the price the mechanic quoted me.   Now i'm just gonna do some auto repair shopping and find out who will put it in for the cheapest price. Since i'm just paying for labor.  I wouldnt' be so stressed about this, except i'm moving in about 3 weeks, and I need 1000 for that little project.  so spending 1000 on a car repair is NOT really an option. With all this stress, I have found something out, my habits ARE changing.  Usually when i'm stressed out, I want to sit down with a pizza and some icecream.. I actually UNDERate on tuesday.  I came up 10 points shy of my daily total.  I was surprised and happy with my change of attutide towards emotional eating, but still bummed I came up shy of my points.  Its important to eat all the food your allowed.

Today my sister made me sit down and calculate my disasterous monday night munchie fest.  I had to face the music. As bad as it was, I am really glad I did it.  It turns out my daily total for monday was 63 points. I get a daily allowance of 43.  So i went 20 points over.  Which put my weekly ponus points at 5.  At least now I know, so I can stay on track for the rest of the week, without thinking I still had 25 bonus points left.   Like she said.."one shitty day doesn't mean your week is over."   

So thats my note to all of you,  IF and WHEN you have a bad day,  be honest with yourself.  Dont hide it or deflect it.  Face it head on, acknowledge where you messed up, own up to it, and then move on.  Holding yourself accountable for what you did is the ONLY way to keep you going.   And remember, One bad day does not destroy everything your working for =D

btw as an update from earlier posts, my currently unemployed sister...is NOW EMPLOYED!!!! out of a job three weeks to the day, and she walked in and got a job at a really nice sandwhich shop.  So thats another stressor down..

Walking and motivation

Motivation is a strange thing.  I have come to notice that things I never would have thought would motivate me, have actually been encouraging me in the background.    Las Vegas has a very weird tempature setting.   5 days it go it was in the 100 degree tempatures.   The past 4days have all been wonderfully weathered, in the 70-80's range.  Indicating that we are in fact in our fall climate.  The weather, has inspired me to try some more out doors activities.  I used to go to the gym all the time.  And dont get me wrong I love the work outs, but with money being tight at the moment I had to give it up.   Does that mean I have to give up fitness?  Nope.   So my sister and I and our little Maltese, Jax, all loaded up and drove up to the park.  Our park has a mini man made lake in the middle of it with a mile long jogging track built around this lake.  I decided why not take the dog and see how well I did.    The first time we only went around once.  It was all right, but with the dog stopping to pee on just about everything it was a little slower and not as strenuous a work out as I really wanted.  Yesterday though Jax was a bad puppy and so he couldn't go to the park with us.  And trying to keep up with my sister, whom up until recently walked to work for two years, proved to be the work out I needed.   We did two miles (twice around) and I felt like I got a great work out.  Lugging 350lbs around is not an easy feet though and my body decided to tell me so.   I stand on my feet all night at work, and by the time I got off work I could barely walk to my car my poor tootsie's hurt so bad.  I think this is a combination of worn out work shoes and poor quality walking shoes.  So my next adventure is to purchase new shoes for both walking and working oh boy! Despite waking up this morning in pain, my quads, feet and knees where a little upset, I can't wait to go walking again tomorrow.  I've decided for my own sanity that i'll keep it every other day for now. I'm becoming addicted to being outside though.  Its so beautiful at our park. The soft breeze and perfect weather.   We do eventually have a goal of being able to jog the jogging track, but one step at a time.  Someone told me once that if you do it inch by inch, it'll be done in a cinch.  I remind myself that when I'm huffing and puffing to catch up to my faster sister.  I've even looked into a few local hiking area's with some beginners trails.  I believe I'll be trying one as a reward for hitting my 5 percent goal.

Speaking of weight loss I weighed in on Friday and lost 3.6lbs.  putting me at 356.8.  I was a little bummed that it wasn't more, which encouraged me to do even better this week.  I did however celebrate with the fact that i havn't been in the 350 range in almost a year.  So any loss is a beautiful thing for me.  I am proud of myself and that alone has made tracking, focusing and staying on program relatively easy.

So far...

Okay this is strange. The past week I've eaten more food per day than I can remember eating in a LONG LONG time.  According to my weight watchers point allowance I have to eat 44 points worth of food.  You may not think so, but that is ALOT of food.   Especially when you make healthier choices.  The more fruits and veggies you fill up on, the less points you use.  There where some days I did go over, I wont lie.  But i have been EXTREMELY honest with myself.  Every bite, gulp or sip that has passed these lips  has been accounted for.   And I still didn't use all of my bonus weekly points.  

I'm still not sure what the scale results will show, and I couldn't figure out how eating so much food is supposed to help me lose weight.  So I did the next best thing, I joined a Weight Watchers Forum, called bootcamp buddies.  A bunch of people that are lifers, or working on becoming lifers.  All of them at various stages in the WW life process.  and so much knowledge its amazing.   I asked "how can I be eating so much food and still losing weight".    Turns out someone of my body weight used to eat  70 to -75 points a day just to maintain that size.  So by cutting myself down to 44 points a day I am in fact creating a calorie deficit that will enable me to lose weight.   It makes sense, but I was still skeptical.  So what do you do when your skeptical, Jump on a scale and see what it says!

Now, let me be very very clear.  When you start this program, they tell you to dump your scale out the window.  You should only weigh yourself once a week, and usually at the same time, in the same clothes. I couldn't help it though, I just had to know if I was losing anything.    I have a digital scale that goes up pretty high, but sadly (not to mention extremely embarrassingly)  the last 5 months of me trying to use it, it has given me an E rror message.  Meaning I out weighed my scales weighing capacity.  This is when you know you have to do something.    Well despite my own fear and doubt, I stepped on my home scale, and low and behold not only did it work for me but it read 357.2 lbs   down 3 lbs from my official weigh in weight, and an actual 10 lbs from my mental start of this new life style.  So in short...the eating more food DOES seem to work.   (mind you i stepped on the scale in the evening, after two meals and just having walked a mile at the park- meaning I might even do better at my official weekly weigh at noon today!!)Mother nature herself is conspiring against me though. Wouldn't you know the day before my second weigh in, I get my period. haha.. I get turned into the human super sponge and now I get to face a scale.   AHHH you gotta love life.   If you can't laugh at the irony then your only other choice is to be bitter.   So I chuckle, and by god I'm wearing my comfy period clothes tomorrow, i don't care what ANYONE Says!

I'll be back with a double post today to add how the weigh in went. and to focus on my first small excersize goal to add into my nutrition.