Friday, September 25, 2009

WW, and my first Goals..

So I joined weight watchers today. And I feel extremely excited. First off, I weighed myself last week before doing all this stuff and the numbers where heart wrenching. I'm 5'7" and 1/4 (just measured today lol) And when I weighed myself over a week ago, I weighed in at 367. I have a long way to go. By my height, the highend of my healthy weight range is 164. I can't see myself at that weight. I have always been heavier than I look, due to the massive amounts of muscle I have. Having been so active in school and through out my life. So my far off goal is to weigh 200lbs. At that point I'll re-evaluate myself and if I want to go further.

I stepped on the scale today for my initial weigh in. 360.4lbs. From just cutting soda back, and making very small, healthier choices I have dropped 7 lbs in a week. I'm excited, losing before even officially trying lol. here are my starting measurements

weight - 360.4 lbs
Pant/dress size - 24/26
Chest -
-Under bust -49 inches
-Overbust -57.5 inches
Hips -65.5 inches (most prominent point over my stomach)
Waist -53 inches
Neck -17.5 inches
Right -15.5 inches
Left -16 inches
Right -31 inches
Left -31 inches

First weight loss goal is 5% of my current body weight. that is 18lbs. after that the second goal is 10%. But we're taking it one goal, one week, one day, one step at a time. =)

Looks like I have a long way to go, and i'm not afraid. Just excited. I want to start being able to post my losses and see how they add up.. and fit in those size 18...16...14 whatevers. This is the first time in my life that I have posted what I weigh, and what I measure. I thought I'd be more nervous our ashamed. In actuality I feel liberated.

Well thats all for now, I'm off to get ready for work.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

ahhhhh I'm old!

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm getting older, or because I've managed to contract some kind of virus from work that or a combination of both. But the no soda/ caffeine withdrawel has been extremely brutal for me this go round. I've done it before, cut out soda for a month. But I usually substitute it for unsweetened tea. Well in my journey to be healthier I've been focusing more on water than on anything else. Two nights ago I had to leave work 3 hours early due to the fact that my head was pounding so hard, that every time my table won/and cheered (i'm a craps dealer in a casino) I literally saw the room around me spin. I took 4 Excedrin to dull the roaring pounding of my skull, but they only took an edge off. As soon as I got to my boyfriends house I drank a glass of Diet Dr Pepper. I can't tell you how sweet it felt coursing through my body. I know this can't be true but it felt like it went straight to my brain. It helped the dull the pain in my head, enough that I could lay down and pass out. I woke up headache free. Around the same time as yesterday though, I felt the pain creeping back, along with some chills and dizziness. So again, I'm not sure if its either age or health or a combination of both.

My sister woke up sick today and she said she has a SPLITTING headache. So i'm thinking its part of the virus we both seemed to have contracted. But since I can't afford to take a sick day from work right now, I went down to the pharmacy and bought some Advil Cold and Sinus. To anyone who has ever worked in a place where germs run rampant like starving fat people in a buffet, (and I can say that because I've BEEN that person lol) Advil Cold and Sinus is the stuff of the Gods! Its still over the counter, but you have to show your ID to get it, because instead of compromising the integrity and strength of the drug, (it has a component that meth pushers/users can make meth from) they made it accessible only through ID check, so the can keep track of how much each individual uses. Trust me, if you wake up one day and feel like death just stuffed you back into your skin, and you have no CHOICE but to slave away to your daily routine...LOVE THE ADVIL. It does wonders.

I took 4 of those last night, and BAM I floated through my shift. It killed my headache, cleared up my chest congestion and even woke me up a bit. (I think it might have caffeine)

On a side note, we still arn't sure if my sister got the job she interviewed. They said she was over qualified for a hostess, but under qualified to be a bus person. try and figure that one out. Its okay though, we both have degree's in massage therapy, but not the funding to get licensed. I did some research and there is a company here in town that will front you the money to become a licensed massage therapist and give you a job at the same time. So I'm having her check into that. Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball you smash a home run!

Speaking of sports, my bf is bugging me cuz we are supposed to be on our way to our favorite Chargers bar to watch them smash the ravens (hopefully)

talk to you all later!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Chaos can be brilliant

A few days ago, I set a goal for myself. And happened to pretty much fail miserably. LOL. But I'm not deterred. I actually in fact picked it right back up after my failure. On Wednesday I planned to stop drinking soda, and to incorporate at least 30 minutes of exercise into my daily routine. The first thing I ended up drinking on Wednesday, was a medium strawberry fanta from carls jr. I LOVE this soda. But it wasn't until I was half way through that I realized I failed my challenge at the same moment I remembered I was doing it.

Wednesday was a bad day. My sister/roomate had been suspended from a job that she had been working for two years. It was a bad time for her, because for the last six months she had been being harrassed and she stood up for herself. They finally found a trumped up excuse to fire her. Even other store managers of the same company said she should never have been fired for what happened. But what can you do. It was a stress full day, and a stressfull day called for fastfood, right......well wrong, but at the time i was just worried about her being okay.

So for the past two days she's been out job hunting, and low and behold she gets a call for an interview at a fancy expensive Steakhouse type resturant. She passed the interview and has a meeting/interview with the resturant manager tomorrow. We are pretty sure she's gonna get the job. I think its a MIRACLE that in these times she can go from being unjustly fired on wed, to pretty much hired on saterday. Thank goodness!

But because I'm her chauffer, (she's just learning how to drive.... and yes she's 21 just never been much of a driver) I have had to put aside all my ambition to follow my weight loss. I even gave up going to my first ever WW meeting with my weight loss buddy, so I could take my sister to her interview. But family comes first.

On a positive note, yes, on wed afternoon I drank a soda. After that soda, I havn't had another coke/soda type beverage since. I had to fight off a massive caffiene headache, which I actually feel coming back right now, but i'll get to work and drink the unsweetened tea to counter act my caffiene addiction.

Now I just need to start incorporating more exercise again. I have been taking all the stairs at work instead of the elevtors and going out of my way to not be lazy. But having gone from going to the gym everyday to nothing is starting to hurt me physcially and mentally.

a week from today will be my first WW meeting, On that friday we will talk about my weight loss goals and develope my plan. Until then I'll just keep getting myself prepared!.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Interested or Commited

Am I committed to my goal of losing weight, and changing my life? Or am I only interested. And is there really a difference? Of course there is. All of us on this journey, have had the moments of "i dont FEEL like going to the gym today" or.."i really dont feel like cooking lets hit the drive through". How you react to these situations determines whether you are commited in your goal, or just interested. The difference is this, if your commited you DO IT ANYWAY.

In the past I think I have had a real problem with commitment and interest. I've always been interested in sticking to a healthier life style. To being an exercising queen, and someday wearing skinny jeans. But while the ideas are always there, the desire and the dreams, the actual commitment to withstand the hard work has been lacking.

Today I woke with a stone cold resolve. The reality of it, is I know I'm going to have bad days. But as of this morning when I woke up, I knew in my heart that I was committed. I didn't want to be one of those interested people. I wanted to be committed. I WANT to be committed to my new life style. I AM commited to my new lifestyle.

Sometimes when your having a bad patch, its good to chant this little mantra out. You seem to gain more confidence with each time you tell yourself you are committed.

The next time you start to feel your resolve weakening, and your will to keep going disolving... remember the following:

Committed People:
~stick with their plans NO MATTER WHAT
~take action, even when they don't feel like it
~Assume that if stay motivated, results WILL follow
~keep going, in the face of set backs and challenges (we all face them, KEEP GOING!)
~(this is my personal favorite) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their own actions...

Todays challenge: Make a list of actions you plan to stick with today. AND DO IT, regardless of what comes your way. When your done, take a second to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself. You just showed yourself how committed you really are.

my goals. 1 - No soft drinks for the entire day (one day at a time people, one day at a time)
2 - Get 30 minutes of exersize in. any type Just as long as I get it done.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So Fate steps in

I was wishy washy about forking out the money for weight watchers. I'm glad I did wait, at least this week. On Thursday I was driving around town running errands and such. I kept noticing that every time I started my car it seemed sluggish to start. It didn't really roar to life or anything. This didn't really seem normal. Three time in the past month and a half my car battery has died for some really insignificant reason. So I pull into the gas station to fill up, leaving my car door open, which inevitably leaves the dome light on. 4 minutes later I'm in the car and ready to go, except now my car wont turn over! The battery died. From sitting there with the dome light on for 5 minutes! Thank GOD my boyfriend, being the nice guy that he is, bought me a pair of jumper cables a couple weeks ago. (men think of stuff like this... its amazing!) Unfortunatly he was on the other side of town, with his own car troubles so he couldn't come save me like a knight in shining armor. So he says "your a girl, pull out the cables and go do your girl thing" Sure enough, it worked. I walked over to a young looking guy who was dressed in that trendy punk style. You know, the style that says "hey i'm into punk and emo, but I drive a Mercedes and hang out at starbucks" I wondered over to him, and asked him politely if he could give me a jump. He hesitated at first, which i found out later was because he had NO idea what he was doing lol.

He pulls his car around, pops the hood and turns it off. So as I'm hooking the cars up, I realize his car isn't on. I told him he should turn his car on so he doesn't short out his battery and he says to me.."ooh that doesn't matter". When in fact it DOES, how do i know? Trial and error baby trial and error lol. Sure enough right as he's about to go to hook his cables up, a man steps up and says "hey you guys need some help?" Thankfully I said.."YES!" He comes over and the first thing he tells the guy is "son, you need to have your car running if your gonna jump her battery" So the kid goes and turns it on like "oh yeah i knew that" .......WTF i had JUST told him that. Apparently having ovaries makes you mechanically handicapped. Well anyway we got my car started, and the man told me to drive right over to auto zone because he thought I had a bad battery.

Sure enough, 80 bucks later (the money I was going to use for weight watchers) I had a brand new battery to go driving around town in. YAY.

I still am going to join WW. My friend at work, that would be my weight loss buddy , started it on friday and she's enjoying it. So i'm working on small concessions to get me ready. Such as cutting out soda from my diet and making sure I drink alot more water. Hopefully next payday I'll have enough to at least get me started.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

To Join or not to Join

As I sit here listening to the not so rythmic beat of my boyfriend trying to master the drums on his brand new Beatles Rockband he bought to day, I keep looking at my finances and ask myself, "is my health worth splurging an extra 120 dollars to join weight watchers?" Strange question huh? Is my health worth more than 120 dollars? The truth is yes. The inner turmoil comes from the fact that my sister and I, (we share an apartment) are looking to move in about 6 weeks. So I'm supposed to be saving all my money to help with this move.

I'm trying to weigh (yay for puns) the pro's and the con's. I did check and they have a cheaper starting price, for 4 weeks its 44 dollars. But I'm not sure if that includes the "free registration" price or if thats on top of the registration, and if i'm gonna end up paying 84 dollars in total for one month I might as well go ahead and spend 120 for 2 and a half months.. Makes sense to me.

I have been curious about the WW system for some time. I tried the online version, and promptly gave up, only because I really wasn't committed enough to come on everyday and keep a record of what i was eating. But for the past 5 months I have been making small goals to track what I eat, and how I work out, getting myself in the habit. Same with this blog here. Making myself write something even if I don't feel like it.

I think I'm just hedging really not because of the money, but because I really don't feel like trying and quitting something again. Though this time I have a partner to help me out. The idea of being motivated for a weekly meeting and weigh in appeals a lot to me. Especially since in the past everything I have tried on my own, with little support around me has ultimately failed. I know I have to start something....

oh what to do.. I hate waffling on a decision!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dance your Ass Off

Okay this show is amazing! Sad to say I never got into the "biggest loser" show. Mostly because I know that as gung ho as I am about making a change in my life, I don't think I could relate to someone doing the kind of excersize and seeing the weight drop of at such a rapid pace. nor am I a big fan of the lifetime or the oxygen channel. One day I while I was channel surfing U just happened to land on the Oxygen network. It was there that I saw this commercial for this show, that incorporated a challenge to lose weight while being the best dancer. I LOVE dance shows. So you think you can dance, America's best dance crew. Movies about dancers (step up 1 and 2, save the last dance) you name it I LOVE IT. One of my all time favorite movies is a very not well known movie called Strictly Ballroom. Its a little melodramatic, but the main actor is cute and its a heartwarming story about fear.

Anyway, Back to the show. It was during this show, I realized something. I love to dance, and if these people who are big like me can shake their stuff out there and look amazing then why can't I? I used to go out dancing all the time at the clubs with my friends a few years ago. Practically every night. My friends would be floored when various people would come up to me and say that they loved the way I moved and that I was great on the floor. See big people!!! never be afraid of something you love, just because of your extra poundage.

This is probably the best weight loss show I have ever watched. If your into inspiring, motivating tv shows, than this is for you. They have men and women both competing. And as each week passes you fall in love with the contestants more and more. By the end of this first season I wanted them all to win because I really couldn't pick just one that deserved it more than the rest.

Check it out, Google "dance your ass off" and see how these people changed their lives for the better, and learned how to love themselves. I know it has inspired me beyond belief.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

What, you ask, is a Phat Fighter?

The answer to your question is simple. A Phat fighter is someone who has finally decided to dedicate their energy and life to a change. I use the word Phat, because it means so many different things to different people. I heard the term PHAT used as a catalyst for defining ones self as a beautiful powerful big person. . Pretty Hot and Thick. It sparked a revolution in my mind that blew up to proportions bigger than my own jean sizes! In the past year I went through a mental transformation that has finally allowed me to embark on a journey that has been 29 years in the making.

There is only one truth when it comes to losing weight. If your not mentally prepared for the journey, then your not ready at all. It takes years, sometimes, to prepare yourself for what will be heading your way. Today I've decided to embark on a life changing journey to drop a significant amount of weight. Not because I hate myself and how I look, But because I am finally ready to meet the person inside me that I have spent the better part of the last two years getting to know, love and respect inspite of being overweight.

For myself it begins with self worth. How much do I value myself as a person? Do I love myself? Will I still love myself if I fail? Do I believe in myself? And is the person inside, under all that fat, worth the trials I will have to face in order to meet her? The answer to all of these questions is unequivocally YES!

Lets not get carried away though, I look at myself in the mirror, and I see things I wish desperately to change. If there is one person that reads this and can honestly say they haven't felt that way, then please let me know how that feels. But beyond the things I wish to change, I see things in myself I am also very proud of. The beauty of my face, the intelligence and compassion in my eyes, the curvy line of my hip. I could go on, but I wont. The point is... I COULD. Most people (men and women alike) only focus on the negative about who they are and what they look like. We focus so much on the negative things we see, that we never stop to take a second look at the amazing person we are.

Today I have made a promise to that person I see in the mirror, the person I love and respect. Today I am taking the first steps on a new journey in my life. I will be daily blogging the progress of this journey. I'll also be issuing challenges to anyone who picks up on this and reads it. Challenges to see yourself as a beautiful person who deserves your love and respect. Because only when you love and respect yourself, can you truly make a change in your life.

Todays challenge: Every time you look in the mirror from now on, and you see something about yourself you don't like, Find something you DO like to counter that negative way of thinking. The more you confront your image with positive thought, the more you will start to feel positive about yourself.