Disaster can bring forth good things

On Monday I failed MISERABLY to stick to my points plan.  I was good up until the evening.  My best guy friend in the world just broke up with his gf, and wanted to come and hang out and have best friend time.  And basically talk to the coolest chic in his life =D  (hey everyone gets to be narcissistic sometimes)  So I figured okay, I can do this, I can make some lower calorie drinks, we already ate a low cal dinner so I'm good to go.

Not so much.. we invited my sisters boyfriend over and got the drinking on. After two drinks and some talking I started to feel the curlings of hunger or something gnawing at me.  I ignored it.   About an hour later, and a poorly made decision on my part found me with some munchie grumblings in my tummy.  Drunk and not quite in my right mind, I scoured the fridge.  Thats where it all goes down hill. Before I even know it, i'm scooping out left over chili with some tortilla with lime chips.....and even later than that I down 2/3's a box of mac N Cheese with hamburger and peas.   My god.
I was ashamed of myself the next day. So I stubbornly decided to not track anything and toss it up to a really really bad day, and get back on program on tuesday.   I did however step on the scale to see my damage, I shouldn't have done that, it in no way reinforced my desire to keep going.  I've asked my sister to take my scale and put it in her bathroom, a room i wont venture into even if you paid me!  Tuesday my car started to take a dive on me.. YAY..(sarcasm)   The ac compressor in my sante fe decided to take a long walk off a very short pier.  Now my belt is starting to wear down.  Mechanic told me the part itself is  475, and the labor would be about 450. RIIIIIIGHT  i'll just pull that out of my bunny hole.  Well luckily my boyfriend tends to be somewhat smart.  We started looking online for rebuilt/lower priced ac compressors for my vehicle.  Low and behold I found one for half the price the mechanic quoted me.   Now i'm just gonna do some auto repair shopping and find out who will put it in for the cheapest price. Since i'm just paying for labor.  I wouldnt' be so stressed about this, except i'm moving in about 3 weeks, and I need 1000 for that little project.  so spending 1000 on a car repair is NOT really an option. With all this stress, I have found something out, my habits ARE changing.  Usually when i'm stressed out, I want to sit down with a pizza and some icecream.. I actually UNDERate on tuesday.  I came up 10 points shy of my daily total.  I was surprised and happy with my change of attutide towards emotional eating, but still bummed I came up shy of my points.  Its important to eat all the food your allowed.

Today my sister made me sit down and calculate my disasterous monday night munchie fest.  I had to face the music. As bad as it was, I am really glad I did it.  It turns out my daily total for monday was 63 points. I get a daily allowance of 43.  So i went 20 points over.  Which put my weekly ponus points at 5.  At least now I know, so I can stay on track for the rest of the week, without thinking I still had 25 bonus points left.   Like she said.."one shitty day doesn't mean your week is over."   

So thats my note to all of you,  IF and WHEN you have a bad day,  be honest with yourself.  Dont hide it or deflect it.  Face it head on, acknowledge where you messed up, own up to it, and then move on.  Holding yourself accountable for what you did is the ONLY way to keep you going.   And remember, One bad day does not destroy everything your working for =D

btw as an update from earlier posts, my currently unemployed sister...is NOW EMPLOYED!!!! out of a job three weeks to the day, and she walked in and got a job at a really nice sandwhich shop.  So thats another stressor down..

Walking and motivation

Motivation is a strange thing.  I have come to notice that things I never would have thought would motivate me, have actually been encouraging me in the background.    Las Vegas has a very weird tempature setting.   5 days it go it was in the 100 degree tempatures.   The past 4days have all been wonderfully weathered, in the 70-80's range.  Indicating that we are in fact in our fall climate.  The weather, has inspired me to try some more out doors activities.  I used to go to the gym all the time.  And dont get me wrong I love the work outs, but with money being tight at the moment I had to give it up.   Does that mean I have to give up fitness?  Nope.   So my sister and I and our little Maltese, Jax, all loaded up and drove up to the park.  Our park has a mini man made lake in the middle of it with a mile long jogging track built around this lake.  I decided why not take the dog and see how well I did.    The first time we only went around once.  It was all right, but with the dog stopping to pee on just about everything it was a little slower and not as strenuous a work out as I really wanted.  Yesterday though Jax was a bad puppy and so he couldn't go to the park with us.  And trying to keep up with my sister, whom up until recently walked to work for two years, proved to be the work out I needed.   We did two miles (twice around) and I felt like I got a great work out.  Lugging 350lbs around is not an easy feet though and my body decided to tell me so.   I stand on my feet all night at work, and by the time I got off work I could barely walk to my car my poor tootsie's hurt so bad.  I think this is a combination of worn out work shoes and poor quality walking shoes.  So my next adventure is to purchase new shoes for both walking and working oh boy! Despite waking up this morning in pain, my quads, feet and knees where a little upset, I can't wait to go walking again tomorrow.  I've decided for my own sanity that i'll keep it every other day for now. I'm becoming addicted to being outside though.  Its so beautiful at our park. The soft breeze and perfect weather.   We do eventually have a goal of being able to jog the jogging track, but one step at a time.  Someone told me once that if you do it inch by inch, it'll be done in a cinch.  I remind myself that when I'm huffing and puffing to catch up to my faster sister.  I've even looked into a few local hiking area's with some beginners trails.  I believe I'll be trying one as a reward for hitting my 5 percent goal.

Speaking of weight loss I weighed in on Friday and lost 3.6lbs.  putting me at 356.8.  I was a little bummed that it wasn't more, which encouraged me to do even better this week.  I did however celebrate with the fact that i havn't been in the 350 range in almost a year.  So any loss is a beautiful thing for me.  I am proud of myself and that alone has made tracking, focusing and staying on program relatively easy.

So far...

Okay this is strange. The past week I've eaten more food per day than I can remember eating in a LONG LONG time.  According to my weight watchers point allowance I have to eat 44 points worth of food.  You may not think so, but that is ALOT of food.   Especially when you make healthier choices.  The more fruits and veggies you fill up on, the less points you use.  There where some days I did go over, I wont lie.  But i have been EXTREMELY honest with myself.  Every bite, gulp or sip that has passed these lips  has been accounted for.   And I still didn't use all of my bonus weekly points.  

I'm still not sure what the scale results will show, and I couldn't figure out how eating so much food is supposed to help me lose weight.  So I did the next best thing, I joined a Weight Watchers Forum, called bootcamp buddies.  A bunch of people that are lifers, or working on becoming lifers.  All of them at various stages in the WW life process.  and so much knowledge its amazing.   I asked "how can I be eating so much food and still losing weight".    Turns out someone of my body weight used to eat  70 to -75 points a day just to maintain that size.  So by cutting myself down to 44 points a day I am in fact creating a calorie deficit that will enable me to lose weight.   It makes sense, but I was still skeptical.  So what do you do when your skeptical, Jump on a scale and see what it says!

Now, let me be very very clear.  When you start this program, they tell you to dump your scale out the window.  You should only weigh yourself once a week, and usually at the same time, in the same clothes. I couldn't help it though, I just had to know if I was losing anything.    I have a digital scale that goes up pretty high, but sadly (not to mention extremely embarrassingly)  the last 5 months of me trying to use it, it has given me an E rror message.  Meaning I out weighed my scales weighing capacity.  This is when you know you have to do something.    Well despite my own fear and doubt, I stepped on my home scale, and low and behold not only did it work for me but it read 357.2 lbs   down 3 lbs from my official weigh in weight, and an actual 10 lbs from my mental start of this new life style.  So in short...the eating more food DOES seem to work.   (mind you i stepped on the scale in the evening, after two meals and just having walked a mile at the park- meaning I might even do better at my official weekly weigh at noon today!!)Mother nature herself is conspiring against me though. Wouldn't you know the day before my second weigh in, I get my period. haha.. I get turned into the human super sponge and now I get to face a scale.   AHHH you gotta love life.   If you can't laugh at the irony then your only other choice is to be bitter.   So I chuckle, and by god I'm wearing my comfy period clothes tomorrow, i don't care what ANYONE Says!

I'll be back with a double post today to add how the weigh in went. and to focus on my first small excersize goal to add into my nutrition.

WW, and my first Goals..

So I joined weight watchers today. And I feel extremely excited. First off, I weighed myself last week before doing all this stuff and the numbers where heart wrenching. I'm 5'7" and 1/4 (just measured today lol) And when I weighed myself over a week ago, I weighed in at 367. I have a long way to go. By my height, the highend of my healthy weight range is 164. I can't see myself at that weight. I have always been heavier than I look, due to the massive amounts of muscle I have. Having been so active in school and through out my life. So my far off goal is to weigh 200lbs. At that point I'll re-evaluate myself and if I want to go further.

I stepped on the scale today for my initial weigh in. 360.4lbs. From just cutting soda back, and making very small, healthier choices I have dropped 7 lbs in a week. I'm excited, losing before even officially trying lol. here are my starting measurements

weight - 360.4 lbs
Pant/dress size - 24/26
Chest -
-Under bust -49 inches
-Overbust -57.5 inches
Hips -65.5 inches (most prominent point over my stomach)
Waist -53 inches
Neck -17.5 inches
Arms
Right -15.5 inches
Left -16 inches
Thigh
Right -31 inches
Left -31 inches


First weight loss goal is 5% of my current body weight. that is 18lbs. after that the second goal is 10%. But we're taking it one goal, one week, one day, one step at a time. =)

Looks like I have a long way to go, and i'm not afraid. Just excited. I want to start being able to post my losses and see how they add up.. and fit in those size 18...16...14 whatevers. This is the first time in my life that I have posted what I weigh, and what I measure. I thought I'd be more nervous our ashamed. In actuality I feel liberated.

Well thats all for now, I'm off to get ready for work.

ahhhhh I'm old!

I'm not sure whether it's because I'm getting older, or because I've managed to contract some kind of virus from work that or a combination of both. But the no soda/ caffeine withdrawel has been extremely brutal for me this go round. I've done it before, cut out soda for a month. But I usually substitute it for unsweetened tea. Well in my journey to be healthier I've been focusing more on water than on anything else. Two nights ago I had to leave work 3 hours early due to the fact that my head was pounding so hard, that every time my table won/and cheered (i'm a craps dealer in a casino) I literally saw the room around me spin. I took 4 Excedrin to dull the roaring pounding of my skull, but they only took an edge off. As soon as I got to my boyfriends house I drank a glass of Diet Dr Pepper. I can't tell you how sweet it felt coursing through my body. I know this can't be true but it felt like it went straight to my brain. It helped the dull the pain in my head, enough that I could lay down and pass out. I woke up headache free. Around the same time as yesterday though, I felt the pain creeping back, along with some chills and dizziness. So again, I'm not sure if its either age or health or a combination of both.

My sister woke up sick today and she said she has a SPLITTING headache. So i'm thinking its part of the virus we both seemed to have contracted. But since I can't afford to take a sick day from work right now, I went down to the pharmacy and bought some Advil Cold and Sinus. To anyone who has ever worked in a place where germs run rampant like starving fat people in a buffet, (and I can say that because I've BEEN that person lol) Advil Cold and Sinus is the stuff of the Gods! Its still over the counter, but you have to show your ID to get it, because instead of compromising the integrity and strength of the drug, (it has a component that meth pushers/users can make meth from) they made it accessible only through ID check, so the can keep track of how much each individual uses. Trust me, if you wake up one day and feel like death just stuffed you back into your skin, and you have no CHOICE but to slave away to your daily routine...LOVE THE ADVIL. It does wonders.

I took 4 of those last night, and BAM I floated through my shift. It killed my headache, cleared up my chest congestion and even woke me up a bit. (I think it might have caffeine)

On a side note, we still arn't sure if my sister got the job she interviewed. They said she was over qualified for a hostess, but under qualified to be a bus person. try and figure that one out. Its okay though, we both have degree's in massage therapy, but not the funding to get licensed. I did some research and there is a company here in town that will front you the money to become a licensed massage therapist and give you a job at the same time. So I'm having her check into that. Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball you smash a home run!

Speaking of sports, my bf is bugging me cuz we are supposed to be on our way to our favorite Chargers bar to watch them smash the ravens (hopefully)

talk to you all later!

Chaos can be brilliant

A few days ago, I set a goal for myself. And happened to pretty much fail miserably. LOL. But I'm not deterred. I actually in fact picked it right back up after my failure. On Wednesday I planned to stop drinking soda, and to incorporate at least 30 minutes of exercise into my daily routine. The first thing I ended up drinking on Wednesday, was a medium strawberry fanta from carls jr. I LOVE this soda. But it wasn't until I was half way through that I realized I failed my challenge at the same moment I remembered I was doing it.

Wednesday was a bad day. My sister/roomate had been suspended from a job that she had been working for two years. It was a bad time for her, because for the last six months she had been being harrassed and she stood up for herself. They finally found a trumped up excuse to fire her. Even other store managers of the same company said she should never have been fired for what happened. But what can you do. It was a stress full day, and a stressfull day called for fastfood, right......well wrong, but at the time i was just worried about her being okay.

So for the past two days she's been out job hunting, and low and behold she gets a call for an interview at a fancy expensive Steakhouse type resturant. She passed the interview and has a meeting/interview with the resturant manager tomorrow. We are pretty sure she's gonna get the job. I think its a MIRACLE that in these times she can go from being unjustly fired on wed, to pretty much hired on saterday. Thank goodness!

But because I'm her chauffer, (she's just learning how to drive.... and yes she's 21 just never been much of a driver) I have had to put aside all my ambition to follow my weight loss. I even gave up going to my first ever WW meeting with my weight loss buddy, so I could take my sister to her interview. But family comes first.

On a positive note, yes, on wed afternoon I drank a soda. After that soda, I havn't had another coke/soda type beverage since. I had to fight off a massive caffiene headache, which I actually feel coming back right now, but i'll get to work and drink the unsweetened tea to counter act my caffiene addiction.

Now I just need to start incorporating more exercise again. I have been taking all the stairs at work instead of the elevtors and going out of my way to not be lazy. But having gone from going to the gym everyday to nothing is starting to hurt me physcially and mentally.

a week from today will be my first WW meeting, On that friday we will talk about my weight loss goals and develope my plan. Until then I'll just keep getting myself prepared!.

Interested or Commited

Am I committed to my goal of losing weight, and changing my life? Or am I only interested. And is there really a difference? Of course there is. All of us on this journey, have had the moments of "i dont FEEL like going to the gym today" or.."i really dont feel like cooking lets hit the drive through". How you react to these situations determines whether you are commited in your goal, or just interested. The difference is this, if your commited you DO IT ANYWAY.

In the past I think I have had a real problem with commitment and interest. I've always been interested in sticking to a healthier life style. To being an exercising queen, and someday wearing skinny jeans. But while the ideas are always there, the desire and the dreams, the actual commitment to withstand the hard work has been lacking.

Today I woke with a stone cold resolve. The reality of it, is I know I'm going to have bad days. But as of this morning when I woke up, I knew in my heart that I was committed. I didn't want to be one of those interested people. I wanted to be committed. I WANT to be committed to my new life style. I AM commited to my new lifestyle.

Sometimes when your having a bad patch, its good to chant this little mantra out. You seem to gain more confidence with each time you tell yourself you are committed.

The next time you start to feel your resolve weakening, and your will to keep going disolving... remember the following:

Committed People:
~stick with their plans NO MATTER WHAT
~take action, even when they don't feel like it
~Assume that if stay motivated, results WILL follow
~keep going, in the face of set backs and challenges (we all face them, KEEP GOING!)
~(this is my personal favorite) TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their own actions...


Todays challenge: Make a list of actions you plan to stick with today. AND DO IT, regardless of what comes your way. When your done, take a second to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself. You just showed yourself how committed you really are.

my goals. 1 - No soft drinks for the entire day (one day at a time people, one day at a time)
2 - Get 30 minutes of exersize in. any type Just as long as I get it done.